This maneuver is based on my husband’s helicopter pilot when Dan was a doorgunner in Vietnam.

The guy would fly over an engagement and shoot out the window with a .45.  While the crew chief screamed at him that if he tilted the bird (Dan’s term) any further they’d all be joining the infantry on the ground.  Or words to that effect.  His other favorite scream was “OVERTORQUE!  OVERTORQUE!”

I can’t get Dan to write any of this stuff down so I’m doing it.  The answer to:  “How dare you as a writer take real experiences and USE them?” is: “Because otherwise these stories will never get out and lots of time I have permission — and every time somebody tells me a cool story I add, ‘You DO know you’re talking to a WRITER?’ “  It’s really why I quit my census job — I’d never be able to use any of the stories or incidents I found during my work.

Sometimes I wish I was like the usual American and could dump my principles.  You can’t hardly stay alive in this country if you have too many principles.

I’ve told people up here, repeatedly, “You’re talking to a reporter,” and they shrug and laugh — and then when the story comes out with their quotes they lose their minds. I TOLD THEM, damnit! Why did they think they were living in a vacuum?

It’s especially bad here — rural people are like comic-store fans; they think they are the navel of the universe and there’s nothing beyond the borders of their county.  They travel and use the internet, but they’ll still say, “You know where Felix Rasmussen used to live?” when you’re trying to get directions.  Even I have to tell people who’s the neighbor they know.  NONE of them have any sense of land direction.  No wonder they get lost.

It’s not just rural people, so you city people don’t feel smug.  You know who I’m talking to, New York.  You people won’t travel out of a borough where you don’t know where the bathrooms are.  I almost spelled it “burrow.”